A Cowgirl's Heart Read online

  “Goodnight, Deb. I hope the little princess lets you get some sleep,” Mitch said.

  As Deb closed the door, she got a final glimpse of Mitch settling himself onto the couch. A feeling of contentment stole over her, her baby clearly sharing the sentiment by kicking again. “I like him being here, too,” she whispered. “But it’s only for tonight.”

  Chapter 8

  Pink bunting hung festively from the live oak tree. Soft blankets scattered with pastel-hued cushions were spread beneath. Hay bales had been arranged with timber tops to form low grazing tables laden with pink-themed treats. Even the centerpiece pavlova had been decorated with strawberries, the raspberry coulee tinting the whipped cream pink. Frankie and Sra Ana fluttered about making sure all the finishing touches were perfect.

  Deb momentarily experienced a disorientating sensation of standing trapped on the outside looking in on the scene before her. Trying to shake the ominous sense of not belonging, she protectively cradled her belly. But it did nothing to ease the chill of estrangement.

  Frankie bustled over, a broad grin on her face. “What do you think?” She gestured to her handiwork.

  “I think that this little girl had better like pink.” Deb absently rubbed her lower back as she looked around. A dull ache had settled there overnight. She looked forward to curling up in bed with a hot wheat bag once the baby shower was finished.

  Her friend looked to be on the verge of saying something, a ping interrupting the thought. “Dang, I forgot the cake server. Deb are you able to grab the spare one from the bunkhouse?”

  “Sure thing. I can get us one, but I think I have an easier idea than walking all the way over there,” Deb replied, waddling toward Sra Ana. “Sra Ana, we need a cake server. Can we borrow one from the house?”

  If Deb didn’t know better, she would have thought Sra Ana was up to something. She swallowed several times, her eyes guiltily darting about before settling briefly on Frankie as if having some sort of silent communication. “I don’t have one,” she said with aplomb.

  “Didn’t you have one last week when you made the chocolate cake?” Deb said, eyebrows raised suspiciously.

  “It broke. Yes, that’s what happened. It broke and I threw it away.” Relieved at having come up with a plausible reason, a smile broke out on her face, easing the nervous tension of earlier.

  Deb narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Looks like I’ll head to the bunkhouse and get the one from there then.” As she waddled her way over, she glanced down at her belly. “I love them all dearly, but sometimes they sure as heck are bloody strange.”

  “That’s right send the pregnant whale lady up the flight of stairs with some lame excuse why don’t you?” Deb muttered under her breath as she huffed and puffed her way up to the bunkhouse. At the top of the stairs, she paused, attempting to regain her breath, conscious now that her lungs were beginning to run out of room.

  “Geeze, you’re starting to squish mommy’s innards a bit there, baby girl.” She made her way through the door and stopped dead in her tracks. “What are you doing here?” she asked Mitch, her voice raised in surprised.

  “I know the baby shower is a bit of a ladies only event, but I wanted to give you something special today as well,” Mitch said, striding forward to take her hand in his.

  Deb looked at him nervously, a thrumming in her chest as confusion pummeled her heart. “You’ve done enough with all the stuff you got me when you took me shopping.”

  “That was just stuff. This is something special.” He gave a gentle tug on her hand to set her feet in motion and led her to the nursery. Deb stopped, dumbfounded. Her eyes went wide as they settled on the cradle that took pride of place in the room. Creamy timber sides had been lovingly hand carved with horse motifs. Deb ran her hand reverently over the wood, marveling at the smooth warm texture. A bed fit for her little cowgirl princess.

  “I’m speechless,” she said simply, unable to take her eyes off the heartfelt masterpiece.

  “This from the girl Mrs Humprey said in first grade could talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles,” Mitch teased. “So, you like it then?”

  “Like it? That’s kinda like saying I like my coffee. And we all know how much I love that.” She laughed as her baby girl made her presence known. “Well, you get her vote. But seriously, it’s beautiful. Nope that’s not right either.” Mitch looked wounded. “It’s glorious. Thank you.” She said, once again lost in its beauty.

  “I started making this the day you told me you were pregnant.” He looked at her earnestly. “Deb, it’s just … ah, bloody heck.” He raked his hands through his hair. “You’re special, and that little tacker in your belly, she’s as special as her mom to me.”

  Deb gently traced the carved outline of a prancing unicorn, each stroke painstakingly intricate, her heart thumping. Mitch cleared his throat. “Cat got your tongue? Mrs Humprey will be turning in her grave,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

  Deb finally raised her eyes to meet his hopeful ones. She considered her words carefully. “You’ve been a good friend for most of my life. Well, except for those lost years when you ran off and tried the whole city thing.” She cradled her belly gently. “You’re special to me, too. Well, us.” She was afraid the vulnerability she felt showed in her eyes as he stepped closer. “I’m not very good at this. I haven’t really made the best life choices where men are concerned. More of a love ‘em and leave ‘em type.”

  Mitch was now so close she could feel his breath intimately warming the flesh on her forehead. “I think you’re doing just fine. But we have all the time in the world to figure out how to do this.” He softly kissed the top of her head. A flash of disappointment flared, surprising Deb when she realized that was the only move he was going to make. “Now, I promised both Sra Ana and Frankie I wouldn’t take you away from your baby shower for too long. Between you and me, I’m a bit scared of the new and improved married Frankie, but don’t ever tell her that.”

  Deb chuckled. “Our little Frankie is all grown up. She had to be, too, with a man like Luciano. She was difficult before, but she’s impossible now. It’s awesome.”

  Mitch offered his arm. “Well then, my ladies, both born and otherwise, will you allow me to escort you back to your party?”

  She laughed brightly. “Lead the way, sir.”

  “Psst, what have you written down for this one?” Megan whispered.

  “Pea, couscous, Vegemite, and asparagus.” Deb rubbed her aching back, the cramping getting worse. As far as she was concerned, it was dang inconvenient timing to be having Braxton Hicks. Taking another spoonful from the unlabeled jar, she swirled the baby food around her mouth, attempting to identify the ingredients. “There could be a hint of fetta in there as well.”

  “Really? I had carrot and bacon mush,” whispered Gabi, sidling up. “How on earth are all of these babies so chubby if they’re eating this slop?”

  “I didn’t even know you could get so many different flavors. I was shocked when I went to buy these.” Frankie said, joining the conversation. “Now, write down your answers so we can move on to ‘guess the baby’.”

  Megan rolled her eyes. “You just like thinking about what a Luciano baby will look like.”

  A sharp pain hit Deb, squeezing the breath from her lungs. She let out a low moan. Frankie quickly grabbed her arm. “Deb, what’s wrong? Megan, get a chair for her. Gabi, I think we need your mom here pronto.”

  The bands of pain relaxed their grip on Deb, the ability to once again draw oxygen and process thought returned. She looked up into her friends’ concerned faces as Sra Ana bustled over. “It’s fine. Just some Braxton Hicks. The books said they can make you feel like it’s the real thing for newbies. Don’t stress, it’s way too early for anything more.”

  Sra Ana’s expression was grave. “How long have you been having these?”

  “Well, it just felt like period cramps last night. My back got worse a few hours ago. The pai
n just then was something new.”

  The older Brazilian woman’s face pinched with worry. “Stay sitting here. I will get you some water. Gabi, go get something for her to put her feet up on.” She pursed her lips. “I think it is best that at least one of us stays with you at all times until these pains stop.”

  Deb smiled fondly at her fussing. “Thanks, Sra Ana, but I’m built tough. This is just the warmup for the main event.”

  Sra Ana’s eyes remained troubled. Despite the smile she gave for the young woman’s benefit. “I pray you are right.”

  The pain ratcheted through Deb’s body, all thought fleeing before it. She drew in a shuddering breath. “I don’t think I can do this. It’s too early.”

  Frankie grasped her hand. “You are the most determined, strongest person I know.” She glanced at the other women in the room guiltily. “Present company excluded, obviously. Girl, you’ve got this.”

  Another wave of pain slammed into Deb hard. “Help me, please someone help me.” She whimpered.

  Megan went pale in the face. “The midwife said it’s too late for an epidural, but there’s gotta be something else they can give her?”

  Sra Ana rubbed the laboring girl’s back. “Deb, you need to look at me.” Deb raised her bloodshot eyes, locking onto the older woman’s as if a lifeline from her agony. “Sweetheart, ride each wave as it comes. Breathe. Soon you will hold your baby girl in your arms.” She smiled over at her daughter sweetly. “And then you will have a lifetime of trouble and worry.”

  “Hey, I’m standing right here,” Gabi protested. “Seriously, Deb, you can do this.” She huddled with Megan. “I’m scared.”

  Megan put an arm around her. “Me too,” she whispered.

  Sra Ana looked sympathetically at the pair of girls. “How about you take a break and go see if the menfolk are okay?” she suggested.

  Neither girl had to be asked twice and, with an apologetic hurried look at their laboring friend, fled the room.

  Deb groaned as another contraction hit. She gripped Frankie’s hand tightly. “Promise me the baby will be okay.”

  “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you or the baby,” Frankie swore, looking over Deb’s head worriedly to the midwife and Sra Ana.

  With each contraction, pain dominated Deb’s entire being. The torment of labor became a prison for her mind. In those moments, those seconds that stretched her mind and body to breaking point, there was nothing else. When the pain passed, it was only for a minute or so. She breathed with closed eyes, unable to leave her shattered consciousness.

  The night was long and unending, but finally, a relieved Frankie looked down into her friend’s exhausted face. Pure joy shone through her tears. “She’s beautiful, Deb. You did so good.”

  Deb looked down at the blanket-covered bundle, a tiny scrunched up face peeking out. She could feel her daughter’s warmth, sticky against her skin. Love, so primal in its potency it scared her with its strength, flowed through her. “My daughter. Frankie, this is my daughter.”

  Sra Ana stroked the new mother’s head gently. “A new generation for our extended family. Both Eduardo and I are so very proud.”

  “Have you decided what you are going to call her?” Frankie asked, instantly besotted.

  “Grace. Her name is Grace.”

  Frankie sniffled. “I don’t think I can handle how beautiful she is, Deb.”

  Grace began to give little grunting noises as she struggled with each breath. The midwives bustled in, placing a tiny mask over the baby’s face. “We need to take her to NICU. But don’t worry, Mama. We will take good care of her.” One swiftly wrapped Grace more securely in the blanket before placing her in a portable incubator and wheeling her from the room. The other handed a care package to Sra Ana. “The showers are through there. Once she has showered and changed, her room will be ready.” The midwife left, giving the women privacy.

  “Do you need a hand getting up?” Frankie hesitantly said, unsure how best to aid her friend.

  “I think I’ll be okay,” Deb said tiredly, rolling onto her side and lowering her feet to the floor. A sharp pain in her nether regions reminded her of exactly what she had just been through.

  “Do you want one of us to help with the shower or—” Frankie fluttered about, uncertain.

  Sra Ana gently took Deb by the arm and slowly escorted her to the shower room, glancing at a worried Frankie as she passed. “I have placed everything you need here.” She gestured to the little shelf as she lowered Deb onto the plastic shower chair. “The button is here if you need help, but both Frankie and I will be waiting outside the door. Call us if you need anything.” She gave the exhausted mother one last look and closed the door.

  The adrenaline left Deb’s body in great waves, leaving her shattered by the emotions rocking her, unable to process what she had experienced. As the warm water washed the grime of birth away from her body, she sobbed quietly, her body quivering.

  Audible beeping accompanied the flickering lines that danced across the monitor’s screen, eerily reflected on the new mother’s face as she gazed intently into the humidicrib. Mitch stood quietly, hesitant to interrupt Deb’s vigil of her daughter. It was confronting to see such a tiny, fragile body hooked up to tubes.

  His mind flashed back to the torturous hours of waiting for her safe delivery. Waiting outside with the other men, he hadn’t known what to expect when he would finally be able to see her. The urgency that had wailed through him screamed out that he should be in there with her easing her pain. Instead, he had stood outside helpless in the face of her agony, the night dragging on until, in the wee hours of the morning, silence. His ears strained for a hint of noise. And there it was, the most glorious sound. A thin baby’s wail. A sound that he wasn’t even aware was the moment the tiny infant stole his heart as surely as its mother had.

  Now he stood on the threshold of the room, uncertain if Deb knew how he felt or if he should dare hope that she returned his feelings.

  “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” she asked softly, her voice exhausted.

  “She’s a cracker.” He came closer, looking at the precious little soul. “Hello, Grace. Welcome to the outside. Have they told you how long she needs to stay here before you can take her home?”

  “They said she needs to do a lot of things on her own before they will even start talking about a home date.” Her breath came out in a shaky quiver, her fingers trembling as she gently touched the humidicrib, the distance between her and her daughter insurmountable. “I love her so much. But this”—she put her forehead against the smooth plastic—“I don’t know how to do this.”

  “You’re already doing what you’re meant to be doing,” he said. “You’re loving her and worrying over her. That’s what a mom does.”

  Deb’s shoulders began to shake. Mitch took her in his arms, trying to put all his love and comfort into the embrace while he battled internally with a sense of helplessness. How could he ever make her see the sense of wonder he felt at her strength, to have created this child? But there was one thing he did know—he would do anything for this woman and her baby.

  Chapter 9

  Frankie bounced as she flopped down in the hospital chair. “She’s looking really good.”

  Deb looked down at her sleeping daughter, the rasping of her breathing noisy in the otherwise quiet room. “They said the PIC line should be removed by the end of the week, and she’ll be doing everything by herself. Then it’s just a matter of getting her weight up to where it should be.”

  Her friend smiled, a clucky expression on her face. “That’s awesome. Seriously, she’s so cute I could eat her up.”

  Deb reached for the machine positioned on the table beside her. “Do you mind?” she asked, gesturing to it. “But I need to express.”

  Frankie looked a little flustered. “Um, yeah, no. I mean, the girl has to eat after all.” She shook her head with a self-deprecating smile. “Sorry, I’m being silly. Does it hurt?”


  “Only when it’s been a while between doing it, like if I have a sleep or something. It did feel strange the first time they stuck it on me. All I could think about was when I used to work at the dairy.” Deb felt doubt swirl around her, pulling her in. Everything she had read said breastfeeding was important for the health of the baby and to help them bond. Failure slammed hard into her. She couldn’t even take care of the fundamental basics for her daughter.

  Deb adjusted her top to cover most of the cup on her breast, fiddling with the fabric to get it to sit right. The machine made a whirring noise. “Um, Deb. You okay?” Frankie queried at her friend’s continued silence.

  She blinked as if returning from wherever her mind had wandered, startled to find herself once again in a sterile hospital room. “Yeah, fine.”

  Deb thought Frankie didn’t seem overly convinced by her reply, but she was saved from having to say anything more by Mitch’s arrival.

  “Hello, Mitch,” Frankie said, returning his greeting. Deciding to leave the two of them alone with the slumbering baby, she stood. “Well, I had better get a wiggle on. It’s Luc’s turn to cook. He said it’s a surprise, which I find slightly concerning.” Mitch and Deb laughed, and once again, Frankie gave her that indiscernible look. “Gabi and I will be back in a week and I’ll come and see you then. But I’ll call you while we’re gone anyway.” She smiled teasingly up at Mitch. “I’m sure this big, strapping bloke here will keep you company while I’m gone.”

  Mitch gave Deb’s leg a little pat where it lay on the bed. “You can count on it, Frankie,” he replied solemnly before a mischievous twinkle entered his eye. “That’s if Sra Ana doesn’t hog her and the baby.”

  Frankie laughed. “That’s true. She is rather besotted with Grace, but that’s ‘cause Gabi and Carlos won’t step up to the plate and give her any grandbabies of her own.” She gave Deb a hug. “Look after yourself while I’m gone, okay?” She paused to give Deb one last look before leaving the room.